Kate's blog

Nowadays many women undergo a situation when they live with a child after a man left this family. A lot of questions arise such as: is it still possible to meet one who will be worthy to build strong relationships; will be a child as a hindrance for new relationships; what are the most critical mistakes made by women who try to start a new life?In this article I would like to highlight some extremely important thoughts for those single women who decided to change their lives for better.

Let’s start with quite useful technique that allows quitting past offences and starting a new stage. It’s a well-known expression that our external image is a reflection of our inner world and feelings. Step “Zero”. Let your former partner go.

Take blank sheet of format A4 and write by hand a letter to your partner. Then make a picture of it and send it via email. It should be a letter of thanks for the bright moments of your relationships, for the child you looked after together, for a priceless experience and so on.You shouldn't include in your letter:- Negativity- Critics- Claims- Accusations- Attempts to induce a sense of guilt. 

Yes, you probably want to upload all pain, offence, anger, but you should remember that instead of accuracy and analysis of what you have written, it is crucial to express your feelings in a form of acceptance, forgiveness, love and gratitude. It is very difficult but very effective way.If you want to carry offence with you, don’t think that it will be invisible for the people you are surrounded with. It might be more useful to leave your past in the past without any anger. Here are some examples of possible transformations of offence: Instead of “John, I hate you, you broke my life”, it is much better to write “John, I am grateful that you were in my life”.One more example: “You are irresponsible, you are gone and left me alone with a child” you can change for “Thank you for such a beautiful child. He (she) is a sense of my life. Sorry, if I couldn't be such a woman that you wanted to fold mountains for”.

So turn off your mobile phone and the Internet. Be silent. Only you, your thoughts, a pen and a sheet of paper. Devote 30-60 minutes to yourselves. Try to recall from your memory all the best moments, at the same time all what you have to be anger for just transform as it was shown above. From the moment you sent this letter, you will feel much better and it becomes easier to allow another man to enter your life, IF you don’t do one widespread mistake….

How to avoid this mistake? How does it usually happen in reality? A woman has a child. She feels completely responsible for this child. Moreover, past negative experience is still painful. As a result, a woman usually in such situations decides to look for a man who would be very responsible, serious and a good father for her child. All seems to be logical. But it becomes her instruction. And every time when a man tries to become acquainted with this woman she has prepared phrase such as “I have a child. I am looking for a man who will be a father for him (her)”. 

Then she is waiting for his response and thinks “If he is scared and doesn't call any more, he is not a one I am looking for. He doesn't need me with my child”.Do you understand what I am talking about? Such woman doesn't have any inner instruction like “I deserve to be happy, all is good, I am very attractive and would like to share happiness with someone worthy. I am ready to inspire and help him, look after him and follow him”.Of course, it is very important to be honest and open, but a man accepts this honesty in different way. He does not know you at all, he even does not have any feelings to you but you just scare him with you aim “I am looking for a father for my child”. Actually, it can be similar if a man says “I am looking for a housewife”. 

If you only mention about your child, it will be definitely the right way. In case when a man expresses an interest, you can say that it is probably better to talk about this later when you know each other more. Now you have been selected from many other women just because of your wise tactic. I wouldn't recommend you to introduce your man to your child before you have mutual feelings. In this case a man will accept your child because you are the most important person for him.

One more advice: Look through your pictures in a social network. According to statistics, approximately 80% of photos are like “Me and my child”. It could be a reason why a man doesn't want to do a first step. It is obvious for him that you are focused only on your child and looking on a man as a potential father only.So, the main thoughts of this article are:Step “0”A letter in the past. Let your past go! Forgive yourselves and others who were a part of your life. 

Step “1”Don’t make a mistake! Look for a man first but not for a father for your child. You can mention about a child but don’t talk about this until you are sure that it doesn't scare your man. There is one more important Step 0,5- Love yourselves (have a hobby, interests)- Be weak (be a girl even you are 45+)- Be attractive (devote 30-60 days to yourselves and you neighbours will not recognize you).- Look after him (BUT do not be a second mom for him).

Will be a child as a hindrance to attract a worth man? It is a rhetorical question.

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